As a graphologist and counselor, parents frequently ask if I can help them to have a better understanding of their children. Teddy a 12-year-old boy was acting out in school. His mother contacted me. Teddy was asked to: "draw a sketch of everybody in your family. Picture everyone doing some sort of action and be sure to include yourself."
In Teddy's drawing, his mother is cooking. This reflects a maternal individual who meets the child's emotional and nutritional needs. Note the 'A' under the drawing of the seesaw. This represents achievement, the dominant force between father and son. The 'A' syndrome is associated with the love and affection children receive from their parents, especially when they excel as students. In addition, note the seemingly callous attitude of the father and the precarious position of the boy. He drew his father sitting in a car, usually an indication of a child's fear of abandonment by a parent, or of a parent being outside of the family and not an integral part of it.
Mom's reaction: "Wow, you are 100% accurate in your evaluation. Now what do we do?"
Teddy's father is a prominent physician who puts a great deal of pressure on the boy to do his homework, and to achieve at a very high level. Upon delicately encouraging Teddy to talk about his feelings, the following emerged: As an only child, this young boy felt that all his father wanted from him was that he do well in school. He elaborated that the only time there was affection in their relationship was when he got a great report card. He stated unhappily, "He doesn't love me. He wants people to tell him how smart his son is. He never has any time for me - except to check if and how I did my homework. I just want him to love me." Teddy cited an example; "every kid in my class has a ride home after school. I'm the only one that goes home alone."
I advised the father as follows: "Give him the quality time he needs from you. He will consciously equate this to how much you love him. Watch his reaction." Upon understanding how much his son sincerely loves him, and that Teddy, too, was an "emergency patient," his father made the following suggestion: He is happy to pick up Teddy every day after school, "provided there isn't a serious emergency."
A few weeks later, I called to see how things were. His mom answered, "there has been a great improvement with Teddy in school, and between father and son. All Teddy wanted was positive attention from his dad. Just what the doctor ordered!"
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